Never Car Pool With Your Boss—
And Other Lessons Learned From 40 Years in the Workplace
Part 1
Zig Ziglar said: “You will get all you want in life if you help enough other people get what they want.” I’ve often thought that my purpose in life is just that: to help others achieve their goals and dreams, thereby achieving mine. This series of blog posts on lessons learned from 40 years in the workplace is my gift to those just starting their careers, stuck somewhere in the middle, or reinventing themselves in second and third careers. Enjoy the posts, use what you can, regift or toss out those lessons that you don’t think apply to you. The lessons are in no particular order of priority. Here’s part 1:
Never car pool with your boss
This is another way of saying don’t get too “intimate” with the person who approves your work or leads your team. Early in my career I car pooled with my boss and two colleagues. It was a disaster, although it led to many amusing, almost unbelievable stories, plus content for a retirement roast. My boss was personable and seemed knowledgeable in his field; we liked and respected him, which led to the car-pool decision. What could be wrong with riding to work together and having additional opportunities to discuss business while sitting in traffic? A lot, it turned out.
We found out things we really didn’t want to know about the boss. For example, most mornings he barely made it halfway down the driveway before his wife came out onto the porch in her bathrobe yelling, “did you take your pills?” or “you forgot to take out the garbage.” After dealing with whatever issue she brought up, he got into the car, bringing with him the strong scent of recently fried bacon. My colleague’s theory was that the boss’ wife used his suit coat as a splatter shield. Weather extremes were a trial. He refused to fix a $10 item that would have heated the car during the winter, and rolled down the windows during Baltimore summers rather than run the air conditioning. We even had to plead with him to leave earlier on mornings we were facilitating training sessions. He became a laughing stock rather than a respected leader, and, one by one, each of us came up with a flimsy excuse to exit the car pool.
It was like being in a long marriage, where every little quirk begins to annoy the other party to the nth degree, yet with none of the benefits of marriage (other than a continuing paycheck). We simply knew more than we wanted or needed to know about our leader’s idiosyncrasies. What I learned was: be friendly, helpful, professional with your boss. Discover enough about him or her to understand where the leader is “coming from” and draw the line there. I’m sure I’ll hear from people who married the boss and lived happily ever after, but my experience tells me they’re the exceptions.
Cultivate relationships
One of my bosses (not the carpool man) was someone I had known since age 3. We worked for the same company for years and developed a great professional respect for each other. Toward the end of my tenure with this company, I had a chance to be promoted, I thought, and then all of a sudden they moved him into the position I wanted, and he was now my boss. Both of us were a bit uncomfortable with the new situation, so we talked openly about how we felt and agreed on how we wanted to move forward. After that, we went on with our work and enjoyed being part of a team that was making a difference. We never had a problem with each other, and he later became—and is still—one of my clients. The trusting relationship we had cultivated over many years helped us get through a rough patch.
A few years ago Linda Kaplan Thaler and Robin Koval wrote The Power of Nice, in which they described how their business became one of the country’s fastest growing ad agencies by being “nice” to people. I remember thinking, finally, someone has acknowledged how powerful it can be to build warm long-term relationships instead of burning bridges on your way to success.
Lessons Learned Part II coming soon.
